I gave myself an Apple TV for Christmas. Since that blessed Christmas morn, I haven't watched more than 4 minutes of real TV. Instead, I have grafted the Apple TV remote to my fingers and have given the folks at Netflix headquarters legitimate reason to personally examine the increase in my account usage. I won't confess how many seasons of 30 Rock I have rewatched in the past two weeks (5) or how my Instant Queue has multiplied like it spent the weekend in a rabbit hutch. Let's just say that if Netflix raises their fees for Instant Viewing again, you can probably send hate mail directly to me.
That said, here are a few things Netflix has taught me over the course of our marriage:
1. I've got a 22-minute attention span. If I can't watch or watch at a TV show in 22 minutes or less, I'd rather not watch it at all. I've tried watching the pilot for "24" twice now and all I know is there's some dude named Jack Bauer who used to hang upside down in his bat cave and people all around him are making stupid mistakes and getting blown up. I want to watch this show. I want some intelligent head-scratching TV. I really do.
2. I'm developing an aversion to TV shows that have a laugh track. I can laugh on my own, thanks. I don't need some pretend studio audience to tell me something is funny. When Ron Swanson (Parks & Recreation) says of his ex-wife Tammy 2 that looking at her is like looking into the eye of Satan's butthole, I can muster up the strength to laugh all on my own. (His words, not mine. Dangit.)
3. My Recently Watched list is embarassing at best. Here's a sample:
-- 30 Rock: See earlier non-confession.
-- Lost in Austen: I had a moment when I thought I could stomach a movie ABOUT Jane Austen, but then I had another moment when I realized I couldn't. Look, I appreciate the Collin Firth ManCandy associated with Pride & Prejudice as much as the next girl, but I just simply cannot find it in my psyche to watch a movie about a woman obsessed with Austen. Women like this make me nuts.
-- Annie: I watched it. The whole blasted thing. And I liked it. I want a Punjab.
-- Family Ties. It's always there, in 14 of my Recommended Viewing lists, taunting me. I'm pretty sure my obsessions this past summer with Cosby and Cheers influenced its appearance in these many lists, which influenced my decision to turn it on one afternoon while I was cleaning. Someday I'll give it more attention when I can no longer fight the urge to reunite with Skippy and Nick -- the true stars of the show.
-- National Geographic: The Appalachian Trail. Judge me. I don't care. I love me some NG. And I'm as convinced as ever that I will, someday, walk a few steps on the trail. Bucket list that, ye naysayers.
-- Murder She Wrote: I was showing off the Apple TV to my mom on Christmas afternoon and I pulled this up to show off.. She wasn't that impressed. She has them all recorded on her DVR. Or firmly planted in the fleshy folds of her heart. My mom loves Jessica Fletcher. If Jessica and Thomas Magnum conceived a child together, she would steal it in the night and raise it as my changeling.
-- Breaking Bad: Watched an episode. It was longer than 22 minutes and it had language even this old sailor doesn't love. Wish there was a Recently Unwatched list for shows like this. (Heap the hate. I know I'm in the minority on this one.)
-- Saturday Night Live, the 90s: Every few months, I like to reacquaint myself with Three-Legged Jeans. (They aren't any dumber than acid washed.)
-- Frasier: I obsessed over this show when they were showing it every night on Lifetime a few years ago. I've seen every episode about a thousand times, but it's my go-to show.
-- Kramer vs. Kramer: Watch it if you haven't. Hoffman and Streep at their finest. Seriously.
4. I have a hard time watching normal TV. TV is better enjoyed when you can watch it a few episodes at a time -- especially those shows that are 22 minutes long.
5. Grey's Anatomy will never be as good as it was in Seasons 1-3, before they drove off all the good characters and brought on the characters who kiss their leading ladies by eating their faces. That's just wrong, you weird ginger-haird Iraq vet character with vampire teeth. Yes, I'm talking to you.
And, let me justify my 30 Rock marathon by saying I did A LOT of stuff while I was watching it, including sleeping, putting on make-up, vacuuming, cooking, cleaning, and destroying all traces of Christmas in my house post-December 25. If I'd sat on my couch, stationary, for that many episodes, you'd have permission to call someone and have me committed.
That said, here are a few things Netflix has taught me over the course of our marriage:
1. I've got a 22-minute attention span. If I can't watch or watch at a TV show in 22 minutes or less, I'd rather not watch it at all. I've tried watching the pilot for "24" twice now and all I know is there's some dude named Jack Bauer who used to hang upside down in his bat cave and people all around him are making stupid mistakes and getting blown up. I want to watch this show. I want some intelligent head-scratching TV. I really do.
2. I'm developing an aversion to TV shows that have a laugh track. I can laugh on my own, thanks. I don't need some pretend studio audience to tell me something is funny. When Ron Swanson (Parks & Recreation) says of his ex-wife Tammy 2 that looking at her is like looking into the eye of Satan's butthole, I can muster up the strength to laugh all on my own. (His words, not mine. Dangit.)
3. My Recently Watched list is embarassing at best. Here's a sample:
-- 30 Rock: See earlier non-confession.
-- Lost in Austen: I had a moment when I thought I could stomach a movie ABOUT Jane Austen, but then I had another moment when I realized I couldn't. Look, I appreciate the Collin Firth ManCandy associated with Pride & Prejudice as much as the next girl, but I just simply cannot find it in my psyche to watch a movie about a woman obsessed with Austen. Women like this make me nuts.
-- Annie: I watched it. The whole blasted thing. And I liked it. I want a Punjab.
-- Family Ties. It's always there, in 14 of my Recommended Viewing lists, taunting me. I'm pretty sure my obsessions this past summer with Cosby and Cheers influenced its appearance in these many lists, which influenced my decision to turn it on one afternoon while I was cleaning. Someday I'll give it more attention when I can no longer fight the urge to reunite with Skippy and Nick -- the true stars of the show.
-- National Geographic: The Appalachian Trail. Judge me. I don't care. I love me some NG. And I'm as convinced as ever that I will, someday, walk a few steps on the trail. Bucket list that, ye naysayers.
-- Murder She Wrote: I was showing off the Apple TV to my mom on Christmas afternoon and I pulled this up to show off.. She wasn't that impressed. She has them all recorded on her DVR. Or firmly planted in the fleshy folds of her heart. My mom loves Jessica Fletcher. If Jessica and Thomas Magnum conceived a child together, she would steal it in the night and raise it as my changeling.
-- Breaking Bad: Watched an episode. It was longer than 22 minutes and it had language even this old sailor doesn't love. Wish there was a Recently Unwatched list for shows like this. (Heap the hate. I know I'm in the minority on this one.)
-- Saturday Night Live, the 90s: Every few months, I like to reacquaint myself with Three-Legged Jeans. (They aren't any dumber than acid washed.)
-- Frasier: I obsessed over this show when they were showing it every night on Lifetime a few years ago. I've seen every episode about a thousand times, but it's my go-to show.
-- Kramer vs. Kramer: Watch it if you haven't. Hoffman and Streep at their finest. Seriously.
4. I have a hard time watching normal TV. TV is better enjoyed when you can watch it a few episodes at a time -- especially those shows that are 22 minutes long.
5. Grey's Anatomy will never be as good as it was in Seasons 1-3, before they drove off all the good characters and brought on the characters who kiss their leading ladies by eating their faces. That's just wrong, you weird ginger-haird Iraq vet character with vampire teeth. Yes, I'm talking to you.
And, let me justify my 30 Rock marathon by saying I did A LOT of stuff while I was watching it, including sleeping, putting on make-up, vacuuming, cooking, cleaning, and destroying all traces of Christmas in my house post-December 25. If I'd sat on my couch, stationary, for that many episodes, you'd have permission to call someone and have me committed.
1 comment:
fun to see that you have found an obsession that is almost as big as your love of music! can't wait to hear about other things you watch. I still think downton abbey should be on the list. I rewatched all of Grey's. Don't like Owen either on Grey's, but I do on the movie Percy Jackson. Go figure.I wish I could get ER. Anyway, we need to go to lunch/dinner or something soon.
Post a Comment